St Patricks Day is Thursday

And I'll be having a Guinness or few at Riley's Tavern. On a sad note I hear Murphy's Tavern will be closing soon. One more SPD to go out big.
Now the most important thing - Irish Jokes

IrishDinner

What's an Irish seven course dinner?
A six pack of beer and a boiled potato.


Water to Wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"



The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.


Irish Accident

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."! Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda . no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."


Irish Predicament

Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."


Irish Last Request

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun


Two in a Bar


A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course", comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland", replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course", replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin", comes the reply.
"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course", replies the second man.
Curiousity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you goto?"
"Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."


Three in a Bar

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all go into a ber at the same time and each orders a beer. Just by chance 3 files land in each of their beers just as they are served. The Englishman pushes his back towards the bartender and orders another. The Scotsman simpley shrugs, flicks the fly out of his glass and begins to drink. The Irishman reaches down and picks the fly up by pinching it's wings between his thumb and finger, pulling the fly out he starts shaking it and yelling, "Spit it out damnit, Spit it out"!


Shawn O'Malley

Shawn O’Malley goes into a pub in Dublin and orders three beers. He leisurely drinks them one at a time then orders three more. The bartender says, “You don’t need to order three at once. They’ll get warm that way. I’d be glad to keep them coming.” Shawn says, “Thanks, but I’m doing it to honor my two brothers. You see, they recently moved to America and we made a pact that for as long as we live we’ll always order a beer for ourselves and one for each brother.” The bartender tells him the he thinks that’s a fine thing to do, so Shawn becomes a regular at the bar, always ordering three beers at a time. One time, though, he orders just two. The bartender, worrying that something has happened to one of the brothers, asked Shawn if things are OK. Shawn answers, “Oh, it’s nothing like that. My brothers are fine. You see I decided to give up drinking beer for lent.”